I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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