I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
