I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
