He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
