my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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