you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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