so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
