I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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