having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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