im about as happy as oj after his trial
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
