WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
