I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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