Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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