that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You ruined the universe
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
