U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
bring money and cleavage
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
