who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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