there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My friends, they love my intelligence
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
