her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
