Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
