I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
