i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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