sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
