My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
