I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
