I CAN MOONWALK!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
