It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
