Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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