im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
