I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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