U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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