The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
