so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
