Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
