Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
