I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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