No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
