I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
