Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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