I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
