His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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