What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
