I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
