you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
