last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
