you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
