Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
