And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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