Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
