I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
