i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
