READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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