nut hugger
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
